Jennifer’s Body trailer has a LOT of Megan Fox

July 6, 2009

The Red Band trailer for the Diablo Cody penned (you know, the stripper writer. Wait, I mean stripper turned writer. The former would be awesome though, but now I’m just digressing and creating an extremely long bracketed aside) horror comedy Jennifer’s Body just hit the web and it looks to be campy, gory fun. I’m psyched to see it, if only to see copious amounts of Megan Fox side-boobage.

You can check out the trailer here.

Or right below.

And did anyone check out the “dorky” girl in glasses? Yeah, it’s Amanda Seyfried. AKA, one of the most beautiful fucking girls working in Hollywood right now. God she’s hot.

Oh yeah, of COURSE we buy her as the unpopular dork.

Oh yeah, of COURSE we buy her as the unpopular dork.

Amanda Seyfried


Kick-Ass footage premiering at Comic-Con

July 2, 2009
Here's the movie's Hit Girl, looking nothing like the comics. Oh well.

Here's the movie's Hit Girl, looking nothing like the comics. Oh well.

It’s still in the air whether or not I trek on down to Comic-Con, but this is definitely an incentive to go. Matthew Vaughn plans to premier some footage of Kick-Ass and that, well, kicks ass.

A specific time hasn’t been given, but Superherohype expects it somewhere near the tail end of Thursday, July23rd.

I’ve been a fan of the comic (y’know, when it gets released every 7 years) and if Vaughn doesn’t tone anything down we’ll all be having a bloody good time in the theaters. Mark Millar’s tale isn’t exactly a literary classic, but it does lend itself to being a solid, hyper-violent action flick.

The only real problem I’m having with the movie is casting Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Red Mist. I like Plasse in the movies I’ve seen him in, but he is so far away from looking like Red Mist it isn’t even funny. But I guess he really just needs to act stoned.

Also, there’s that part with Nicholas Cage being involved as Hit Girl’s Big Daddy. Nicholas Cage is pretty much a one trick pony and I hope they don’t give him too much to do, though I’m betting that won’t be the case.

Yeeaaah.....not quite.

Yeeaaah.....not quite.


The good, the bad, and the ugly of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

June 28, 2009

transformers-revenge-of-the-fallenI’m not a picky movie goer. I love brainless action movies as much as the next guy who happens to love brainless action movies. I actually thought the first Transformers was a halfway decent movie. It was a nice blend of spectacular action and humour. Not something you’d ever consider showing in a film class (unless it’s a class on CGI), but you didn’t mind spending two and half hours on it.

Revenge of the Fallen? I went into the movie with good faith, believing that at the very least Michael Bay would give me another dumb extravaganza to waste nearly three hours of my time. Instead, I got lobotomized. My mind was intellectually molested. My very humanity was offended that something like this actually came from us, as the advanced society of this planet.

But enough of that, here’s the good, bad, and ugly of the movie:

The Good

  • It’s very, very pretty. If nothing else, the CGI army working on this movie delivered the goods. There were many scenes that I just accepted the robots were there, inhabiting the same space as the actors.
  • Optimus Prime. The geek in me absolutely loves that they didn’t compromise Optimus at all with any silly “realism.” He is still extremely melodramatic, to the point the cheese is mouldy. But that’s how Optimus should be and damnit, they delivered. Plus, he kicks all sorts of ass. The big bad guy? He owns the sucker in about 20 seconds.
  • Megan Fox when she’s not talking. Damn she’s pretty.
  • John Turturro. I hated his character in the first movie, and yet here he is playing the exact same person, but minus the authority trip he’s actually the best human character of the movie by 400 miles. He’s extremely funny and badass at the same time. If anything he’s too good to be in this movie.

The Bad

  • Human characters. I think the script writers (which are, oddly enough, the writers of the excellent Star Trek) went out of their way to make the human characters both useless and retarded. The soldiers resort to machine gun fire that they should realize doesn’t effect the robots in any way, while the main characters are tasked with being helpless and a liability as they’re propelled along on their adventure.
  • Stupid story. I know, I expected this. But not only was it the expected stupid, it didn’t even follow it’s fucking title! There was NO revenge of the “Fallen.” The movie establishes this badass ancient robot to be amongst the most feared ever, but he is NEVER RESURRECTED! The Decepticons never even bother to go to his tomb despite it only being a couple of miles away.
  • No logic. There are no rules in this movie. Even some of the worst movies I’ve ever seen at least try to adhere to their own stupid logic. Not Transformers, though. Apparently the Decepticons have a base out on a moon of Saturn! If they can travel that fast between there and Earth in a few hours why can’t they just swoop in a destroy everything in milliseconds? How did the Decpticons know where Sam’s parents were while they were dining t a random restaurant in France when they couldn’t find Sam? Why do the robots have testicles and hump legs when they’re born in gelatinous sacks asexually? The list goes on for 2 hours and 40 minutes.

The Ugly

  • Transformers heaven. I shit you not Sam dies and goes to fucking robot heaven. There he meets the spirits of past Primes who revive him so he can save Optimus. Do I even need to write anymore about this?
  • Human transformer. The movie actually has a transformer that’s disguised as a human being! If the Decepticons were capable of this why the hell didn’t they start replacing the important human figures of the world? Are super advanced robots supposed to be stupider than us mere humans? Are they supposed to be dumber than our dogs, too?

The Fugly

  • The “ghetto” Transformers twins. Watching the movie with a black friend, I have first hand experience that these two characters (I never bothered to remember their names) offended him a great deal. They were perhaps the most stereotypically racist things ever put in a summer blockbuster. Fast jive-talking? Check. Gold tooth? Double check. Acting like mindless thugs? Uh huh. Can’t even read? Super. It was akin to watching robots dancing around in black face.

So yeah, the movie was shit. It makes the original look like Citizen fucking Kane by comparison. This feels like a Michael Bay experiment, really. The parameters? He makes the biggest, most expensive piece of shit ever and sees if the public is stupid enough to watch it.

He’s won.


Oh yeah, there was a Last Airbender trailer!

June 26, 2009

Yeah, so there was this trailer that was put out a few days ago. I didn’t bother watching it until a few minutes ago. So, was it any good? Who knows. It just shows Ang spin his staff around and then push a giant gust of wind/fart out of the temple.

At the very least, I like that they selected a really skilled martial artist for Ang, even if there’s controversy over his race. What I still don’t like about the movie? EVERY OTHER FUCKING CASTING CHOICE!


Drake’s Fortune movie on the burner

June 26, 2009

Draked!Who honestly didn’t see this coming? With video game adaptations being in “vogue” recently (though many are being shelved), studios are in heat over the which franchise to bring to the big screen.

And then there’s Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, whose Nate Drake is pretty much a hipster’s version of Indiana Jones. He’s pretty much Indy, if Indy were more sarcastic and didn’t tuck in his shirts all the way. Nate had high adventures in exotic locations and against supernatural foes. Perfect, we have our next Pirates of the Caribbean!

So, who will be responsible for the film version? Kyle Ward was just hired to write the script, who has a past resume that I guarantee you have never heard of, seeing that it involves the sum total of one movie. I don’t think it was ever released. Oh, now my hopes are so high! Good thing scripting Uncharted shouldn’t be too tough, seeing that the game was already written like it wanted to be on the big screen.

No actors or directors are yet to be attached.

The movie is produced by Avi Arad for Columbia Pictures, a Sony subsidiery of course.

Originally reported by THR.


So, Oscar has 10 nominees now?

June 25, 2009

Well that’s super, they found a way to not only make the 3-4 hour long telecast marginally longer but they’ve also diluted the field. I’m sure it’s to create more excitement, but where’s the prestige of being “Nominated for Best Movie” when people know nine other movies were nominated that year?

I understand there were larger fields in the past, but there was a reason they cut it down to five. Why not seven nominees? That seems like a diverse selection group without being overwhelming by going into the double digits.

Oh well, as long as Star Trek gets a nomination for this to make up for Dark Knight’s omission I guess I’ll be sated, if not satisfied.


David Fincher makes the Facebook movie?

June 23, 2009
What the hell did I just sign on to direct?

What the hell did I just sign on to direct?

Wanna hear about a batshit crazy pairing? Apparently awesome director David Fincher (the reason this caught my attention) just signed on to direct The Social Network, which is the dramatization of the creation of Facebook. Not only that, the movie was written by TV-genius Aaron Sorkin!

What? What the hell? Huh? Wha?

First off, a Facebook movie? Will people who use Facebook really give enough of a shit about a couple of young University students creating a social network and becoming billionaires from it? I doubt they went through any trials and tribulations making the code or promoting a MySpace alternative. I don’t think there were any split personalities or serial killers stalking about.

It’s about tech geeks writing code! What the fuck?

The movie’s produced by Columbia Pictures, though nobody ever gives a damn about which studio makes what.


Surveillance movie review

June 22, 2009
Not the greatest title, seeing it has little to do with it

Not the greatest title, seeing it has little to do with it

After hearing a little bit of buzz about this flick from a couple of film snob knowledgeable friends who thought I’d like an ultra violent and well made thriller, I decided to find myself a copy and see what the fuss (if you can call a couple of nerdy dorks masturbating on each other about it “fuss”) was all about? Did it live up to the hype? Yes, and maybe no. Maybe?

This is a good, solid, serial killer thriller (didn’t mean to rhyme) but one that hinges on its mystery and whodunnit nature. Unfortunately, the movie makes it blatantly obvious who’s to blame for what a good 20 or 30 minutes before we’re supposed to know. Because of this, it’s less suspenseful, and more an exercise of “great, now I’m just sitting here waiting for the rest of the characters to catch up.” It’s a bit irritating and the movie would have felt a bit less insulting if they never held up the charade to begin with.

I’m not at all being condescending about the movie’s intelligence. I never went in looking for clues to figure it all out to see how smart I am. It’s just really, really bad about clue placement. Hell, it’s one giant clue. If you watch the movie, you’ll know exactly the point I’m talking about when it occurs. I guess it was supposed to be subtle, but really, it was like being hit with a car. Then backed up over and mildly molested.

Once that realization occurs the movie effectively runs out of steam. Which is unfortunate, because up until this it was rather enjoyable for what it was – a grotesque little mystery. When there wasn’t a mystery anymore, you realize it really wasn’t all that grotesque either.

It doesn’t help that nobody in the movie is the least bit likeable. I understand the intent of Ms. Lynch (oh yeah, this was made by David Lynch’s daughter) to show human nature in the worst light, but c’mon. Throw me a bone here. When the most human character is a drugged out crackwhore who’s kind of a bitch, you know you have paper thin and repugnant characters. I don’t count the little girl because I make it a point to hate most child actors.

But enough of my mundane analysis, the question anyone considering watching this is how fucking crazy is the violence? Well, unfortunately the movie isn’t really that stomach churning. I was excited to see an ultra violent serial killer story, but aside from one instance of blood spraying (which I admit was pretty damn cool) the rest of the movie deals almost exclusively with gunshots and gunshots going through juicy bits of people. Only that the juicy bits aren’t very juicy.

Still, you get to see Bill Pullman let loose and after the initial shock of seeing ID4‘s President of the United States be all weird, it’s a really welcome performance. He should play these kinds of roles more often. He can only be the older mentor/father type for so long before you wanna move out.

If I have to rate this amongst the serial killer movie pantheon, it’d be somewhere right between the awful Bone Collector and the underated Wolf Creek. If you have an hour and a half and feel up for a nice bit of ultra violence (minus the ultra) you can do far worse with your time.

This is a good, solid, serial killer thriller (didn’t mean to rhyme)
but one that hinges on its mystery and whodunnit nature. Unfortunately,
the movie makes it blatantly obvious who’s to blame for what a good 20
or 30 minutes before we’re supposed to know. Because of this, it’s less
suspenseful, and more an exercise of “great, now I’m just sitting here
waiting for the rest of the characters to catch up.”

I’m not at all being condescending to the movie’s intelligence. I never went in looking for clues to figure it all out to see how smart I am. If you watch the movie, you’ll know exactly the point I’m talking about when it occurs. I guess it was supposed to be subtle, but really, it was
like being hit with a car. Once that realization occurs the movie
effectively runs out of steam. Which is unfortunate, because up until
this it was rather enjoyable for what it was – a grotesque little
mystery.

Once there wasn’t a mystery anymore, you realize it really wasn’t all
that grotesque either.


Roland Kickinger gets ANOTHER shot at an Arnie role

June 19, 2009

KickingerMan, you have to feel for Roland Kickinger just a little bit. I mean, he gained his D-list status after playing Arnold Schwarzenegger in the made for TV biopic See Arnold Run.

Then he went back into obscurity until he found it was announced he’d be the T-800 in Terminator Salvation. A role originated by, yep, Arnie. But then they decided to keep his body but entirely replace his face post-production. His “big break” turned out to be a fluke because nobody saw him.

Now? He’s in talks to play another role derived from Arnold’s exalted past – Conan! What better way to cast a new Conan movie than to get the guy who’s Austrian, has the same accent and is also a world class body builder? It’s just in the negotiating phase, but I don’t exactly see Kickinger holding off for a better contract. I’m sure whatever they’re offering him dwarfs everything he’s made up until now.

Hopefully they don’t cover his face over with Arnold again.

I loved Conan the Barbarian back in the day, what with the wanton violence. The only thing I’m iffy on is Marcus Nispel at the helm. The Friday The 13th remake was pretty lame in the violence and brutality department, but he did show he could make barbarian violence in Pathfinder. Just please let this be a hard R-rating.

Please?


Why George Lucas suck in one image:

June 15, 2009

Evolution of Lucas

Someone forwarded this to me and I didn’t even need to read the message. I knew exactly the meaning. By moving away from the practical, Lucas lost his soul as a film maker. The mighty green screen let Lucas “really” let loose, and apparently the only thing he needed to unleash was diarrhea.

Not sure what the source is, but god bless ya.


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