Sexy or damned sexy?

When I heard the breaking news that Sackhoff joined the new season of 24, I really wasn’t that excited. I mean, aside from Bauer noone else is really given anything super kickass to do. Just look at poor Jeanne Garofalo this past season – her character was given none of the biting wit that she’s famous for. In fact, she was about as emotive as a rock on the side of the street.

So, not really expecting too much from Sackhoff but it’s nice whenever anyone from Battlestar gets continuing work. First Lee gets to be on the British Law and Order, then Helo gets a big role in Dollhouse and now Starbuck gets to become Dana Walsh, a highly skilled system analyst with, wait for it now…a sketchy past! She’s also going to be involved with Freddie Prince Jr’s character. In all likely hood she’ll be a marginalized character with a frivolous side story to fill in the minutes between Jack Bauer fucking someone up.

Oh, by the way, Freddie Prince Jr has a role, too. But who gives a shit about that?

Jack Bauer once stepped into quicksand. The quicksand couldn't escape and nearly drowned.

Having the pleasure of watching tonight’s 24 finale a few hours early, here are some of my preliminary thoughts, strewn about with copious amounts of SPOILERS. So, continue reading after you watch it, or simply want to know the details. Hopefully not for villainous deeds like ruining it for your 24 fanboy buddies.

Would Jack Bauer ruin the season finale of his closest friends favourite TV series? Well, unless that friend is a suspected terrorist, no he wouldn’t. Be a Jack Bauer, not a Jackass. Of course, this is all your prerogative.

NOTE: Now that the season is over and done with, I guess this went from an early look to just a plain old opinion piece, though you can take it as a sort of written Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the finale.

Hour 23:

• Man, why is Kim a fucking hostage every season she’s on? This is getting ridiculous. I swear, she’s a living plot device, not a character.
• Bauer hijacks the prison transport like only Jack can – by shooting a poor bastard in the leg and yelling. At least this time he actually tells Walker why he’s doing it, instead of leaving everybody out of the loop.
• Whoa, Tony wants to use Jack as a living Virus container? That’s pretty badass. “Dark” Tony is one evil motherfucker. I’m calling it, though. We already know Tony’s coming back next season so this has to be an act.
• Olivia figured out Kanin and Pierce’s plot because of the stupidest thing about movies/TVs – the unclosed door! What the hell? I was yelling at the screen for Kanin to close it tightly. Too bad Olivia’s too much of an idiot to see through the fake memory card rouse.
• Kim’s baby’s named Terry. That was a nice touch. Plus, Kim isn’t a fucking pushover anymore, getting out of the hostage situation herself. She even has her arm lit on fire and shrugs it off. Doesn’t quite make up for her past seasons’ ineptitude, but it sure goes a long way.
• Kim Bauer – “Damnit!” That’s daddy’s little girl!
• You know what villains should never do? Reveal their secret identity and then go to the fucking warehouse where Jack Bauer is being kept! That’s like committing suicide by way of retardation.
• Further proof its a stupid idea? Bauer goes from having a giant needle in his spine to slicing the throats and breaking the necks of the doctors that worked on him less than 15 minutes ago! Defenseless doctors that probably would’ve surrendered if given more than half a breath before he tore it out of them. While handcuffed! So just imagine what he’d do to you.

This is why you don't poke Jack with needles

Hour 24:

• Jack gets recaptured after a Tony Almeida karate kick and a gun butt to the head.
• Tony reveals it was just all a play at getting the big cheese to bite! I love it when I’m right, though it was obvious. Too bad for Larry Moss, still being dead and all.
• Alan Wilson is the name of the big bad behind Logan’s antics, Palmer’s assassination and Michelle’s death!
• Tony’s gone way off the tracks with his justice, tying dynamite to Jack to use as a living bomb to kill Wilson. So I guess Tony’s still evil, only in a different way.
• Like any Deus Ex Machina worth its salt, Walker and the FBI show up in an attack elevator just in time to save Jack before he, and the bomb on him, is handed over. Gotta love that convenient turn of events. Plus Walker just knows how to disarm the C4 on Jack in seconds. Wonderful.
• Tony is one cold son of a bitch, killing Cara point blank while she’s worrying about him. Super.
• Tony reveals that Michelle was pregnant with his son when she died. Man, now I kind of understand why he’s such a cold blooded bastard. Jack, you could’ve at least let him kill the fucker before shooting him twice and arresting him.
• Jack has a visitor at the hospital, and it’s…the Imam from the Mosque! Huh, not quite the person I expected.
• President Taylor goes  through with having her daughter arrested, destroying her family in the process.
• Oh wait, here’s Kim now. The hour, and thus the season, ends with Renee Walker going completely over the edge and truly becoming Bauer’s protege and Kim agreeing to the experimental stem cell surgery. Two things that were pretty predictable, but effective none the less.
• I wonder if Kim’s youthful stem cells will bring back Jack stronger and faster than before.
• Renee: “Do you regret anything that you did today?”
• Jack: “No.”

A damn good finale to a damn good season. Yes, things kind of fell apart a little in the second half, but the finale makes up for with with a strong finish. Can’t wait for the next day to begin.

See the background? We used to call that Chicago before "he" happened.

It’s been one topsy turvy TV season, and instead of waiting until it’s over, I’d rather come prematurely…with my thoughts on the series’ thus far.  I have nothing better to do, and for all intents and purposes, my current opinion of these shows probably won’t change with the hand full of episodes they have left. I’ll (probably) update this article when the television season’s over and done with.

So, without further ado, and in no particular order (though I could’ve conceivably done it alphabetically rather easily) :

24 Season 7

We have a backwater African nation taking over airplanes with a mythical super device that looks like a toaster, we have the same African nation’s dictator trying to kill the President, and we now have US companies trying to kill EVERYBODY. Yep, this is 24.

And I’ve been loving it every bit. Jack Bauer’s been doing exactly what we love him for – wanton brutality. If there is a sore spot, it’s been the new tertiary characters. People like Garofalo’s Janice and the bitch/douche/whore of a first daughter really slow things down whenever their onscreen. But then again, whenever we’re not seeing Jack dismembering someone, everything’s relatively slow.

Rating: 24/10 – Did you honestly think I could’ve resisted this?

Lost Season 5

Lost has made possibly the gutsiest move in television history. It went from a supernatural, freaky, myserious serial that millions loved, and essentially became and outright hardcore science fiction show. Time travel, baby. That’s what I’m talking about. And the show has been magnificent because of it. Though I miss the flashback’s, what else can be explored with these characters? Do we REALLY need to see any more daddy issues on the show? It seems every character has a shitty dad.

Rating: 7.5/10 – I’m lost for a summation (you can tell by now I can’t resist the obvious).

Heroes Season 3: Volume 3 and 4

I already wrote a lengthy article of how I feel about heroes. It’s two posts down.

Rating: -3/10 – Trying to warn people about this atrocity makes me a far greater hero than anyone on the show.

House M.D.

I’ve been a sucker for this series since the beginning. Gregory House is probably the best non-Bauer character on TV right now. He’s not even that dick that you know has a heart under his rocky exterior. He’s just an outright douchebag extraordinaire, and that’s what makes him so tantalizing. That’s why House puts to shame the drvel that is Grey’s Anatomy and what used to be E.R. This season hasn’t been stand out, but an average House season is still 9,298 times better than the last two seasons of Heroes.

Rating: 7/10 – Humanity is overrated.

I wished all blood splatter analysts were this awesome.

Dexter Season 3

After last season’s annoying clingy bitch from rehab arc, Dexter was back in fine form this season. Back to the killing and tense drama we loved the show for. Miguel as Dexter’s “first friend” was an inspired move, but who’s kidding – did anyone actually think a duo of serial killing amigos would ever last more than six or seven episodes?

I also liked where they left the show. Rita’s about to have little Dexter and everything seems bright for Dexter’s future. Which is all very tantalizing as we all know how al of that’s going to go.

Rating: 8/10 – Definitely a step up, but still not as great as the first season.

Battlestar Galactica Final Season

And it all ends not with a bang, but a contrived whimper. The last half of the season was really all over the place. And in the end, it all kind of peters out as they find our Earth and start all over again. *Gasp* That means we’re all Cylons, right? I knew Boomer looked like my grandmother. Great final space battle though. This show probably has the best choreographed and filmed space battles in any television show or movie ever. They’re just so damned intense. Unfortunately, there was only one this season.

Rating: 6/10 – Hey, THAT’S why pyramids exist all over the wor*barf*.

Mad Men

This series made me pick up smoking…in my head. But man, I was this close (I’m currently putting my index finger and thumb this close together [this means approximately 2 mms]). I’d say Mad Men is an acquired taste, but if you had acquired it like I and a million other guys did, you were thoroughly satisfied with this season.

Rating: 7.5/10 – He looks like a cartoon pilot! (Geek points for pointing out that reference)

You don't mess with Walter Fucking White

Breaking Bad

A little watched, but thoroughly awesome AMC show. Man, do all the good shows go to that channel nowadays? They’ve got Breaking Bad and Mad Men, two perennial Emmy winners and what does HBO have? True Blood? If you’ve never seen Breaking Bad, go out right now and rent/but the first season right now. I’ll wait.

Back? Now watch it, it’s only seven episodes. I’ll wait again…Done? Good. Now you’re a man. Season 2′sso far been just as great.

Rating: 9/10 – Bryan Cranston is a badass? Almost as badass as Dakota Fanning, even! Who would’ve thunk it?

Well, that does it for the “TV Season Thus Far…” article. I’m sure I’m missing a few shows worth mentioning, but I’ll include those in my more conclusive “TV Season” article.