Jaden "Welcome to Earff" Smith
…and I kind of want to hurl.
It’s not that I’m against remakes, it’s just that everything about this remake makes me nauseous. From a bottoming out of Jackie Chan’s Hollywood career to having the title character be a ten year old kidthat looks like a gentle zephyr could tear his ligaments apart.
I mean, sure the original Karate Kid had a LOT of things that don’t really stand the test of time (like that entire tournement and, y’know, the karate kid), but at least it was about a teenager that could conceivably fight anouther teenager.
Can anybody, with a straight face, possibly see Jaden Smith go up against the Cobra Kai or, well, anyone? I swear to god if he takes down a secret ninja (or secret kung fu fighter) training compound despite being 4 feet tall and 60 pounds I will buy 3 Ninjas and fornicate the DVD.
That is not a lie. I will violate a used copy of 3 Ninjas if that happens, and give 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up a nice handjob while I’m at it.
I don’t know when I’ve wanted another movie to fail this badly. Okay, I kind of want Halloween 2 (the remake) to fail worse, but not by that much.
Are you sure that you can handle Tum Tum, Colt and….whatever the oldest fucking ninja kid’s name is?
Fuck those movies hurt my brain. To actually think I liked them as a kid. *cries*
I come to think of old Hulk Hogan movies and movies with those 2 bodybuilder identical twin brothers. I don’t remember their names. Damn you for bringing back child hood memories that should have been kept oppressed!
Or repressed? Fuck. I can’t even think correctly now.
Dmnit, if i have to fucking suffer any memories of 3 Ninjas, I’m taking someone down with me.
Death.